What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 03:23
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Why would a girl not want you to know she has a crush on you?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
What are some fun/kinky things to do with your partner?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Do most men prefer curvy women or skinny women?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Do you regret being married to your current wife?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I never cut or harmed myself..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
What are some life hacks for living on your own?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He knew the spot.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Is it normal to hate my dog, but feel too guilty to get rid of him?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She was in good health!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
What timeless pieces do you believe every wardrobe should possess?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Has the current political environment caused Canadians to cancel trips to the United States?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why do so many autistic adults deal with self-hatred?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She loved him until the end.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
All the time i was locked up.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But it wasn’t much.
This is soul school!.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im still living with it.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
What did i know ?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
One cannot live in the past .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Comes on , in middle age.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But, we were locked up after school.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was seconnd youngest,
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Was to survive, this bastard.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My life is so biszare .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We all went to grammer schools
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I think the readers, may guess!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I have no regrets .
I waited trembling.
It was going to be , some day.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was 9 years of age.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I write beautiful poetry .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I was very sick at this time too.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He resisted the act ,that day.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
So, i spoilt her more .
But ive been too sick for many years..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Ive learnt so much.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We were not on the streets..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
So whats the point in blame.
I said to her
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was scared of men, in general
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I will be 64.
When she asked me how she looked .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Put me off passion for life!!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Would this be the day?
She wouldn,t have been !
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I couldn’t, believe it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I don,t even have a pension.
My family never makes their pension either.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And i lived it daily.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She found it foreign!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She married twice! .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Who then, do I blame.?